Tag: friendship

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Five Ways to Combat Burnout

I am burned out. Crispy. Weary. On the struggle bus. How about you? I sat down with Cadi Jean and talked about ways to recognize burnout. Hopefully, you have taken some time to tune into your body and are making changes to move toward wellness. Today I am sharing her suggestions to help you on that journey. Here are five ways to combat burnout.

Five Ways to Combat Burnout

  1. Rest. Not active rest that might look like scrolling on your phone, talking to a friend, or watching TV. Rest that looks like sitting on your porch, closing your eyes and breathing, or laying on your couch with your eyes closed.
  2. Change your diet. Your health is the #1 thing you should try to support during busy seasons. Aim to eat the rainbow through fruits and vegetables. Minimize caffeine and stay hydrated.
  3. Read a self-help book. Recently I read a book called Atomic Habits by James Clear. It has been a really powerful read that is impacting every area of my life.
  4. Call a friend. Maybe a close friend, or perhaps a friend that you have been distant from. We all need community in our lives.
  5. Take time off if you can. I know we are not all lucky enough for paid time off, but if possible, try to carve out a day or two. Sometimes a break from work is just what the doctor ordered.

Introducing Zoe

Taking her advice to heart,  I have started using an app called Zoe. Have you heard of it? I am not a big diet fan, who is? I have been so impressed by this process and have seen a huge difference in my energy level since starting the program. The program does not just tell you to cut calories or eat certain foods. It actually assesses three aspects of your metabolism: blood sugar, blood fat, and gut microbes.

The process is fascinating. When you begin you wear a glucose monitor and can see how certain foods impact your blood sugar in real-time.  Zoe walks you through short educational snippets and asks you questions in an effort to garner reflection. You send in stool and blood samples and they provide reports- mine were no bueno. But knowledge is power, right? So I am working a little bit every day to change my habits and am coming to understand that some of the foods I thought were “healthy” are not, in fact, healthy for me. If you are interested in $35 off your journey to health use this link.

These are only five ways to combat burnout. The key is to commit to at least one.  What are some things that you have tried to combat burnout? Share with us in the comments.

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How to Recognize Burnout

How to recognize burnout. Seems like it should be easy, right? I mean, we live in our bodies and we would know if we are teetering on the edge of burnout, wouldn’t we? One would think so, but that is not always the case.

Sure, there are typical signs. Depression. Anxiety. Loss of interest in things that used to give us joy. But did you know that burnout can manifest itself in small sneaky ways that compound over time? It’s true.

We have all heard of “nervous breakdowns” haven’t we? While this might be a phrase that you hear whispered in the break room about a colleague who just cracked all of a sudden, a nervous breakdown is usually the end result of a lot of warning signs that went ignored for far too long. So how do we recognize burnout? Let’s take a look.

Learning how to recognize burnout is as easy as listening to your oldest ally. Your body. The problem is that we are so plugged into technology, so busy running the rat race, that we often don’t slow down or pay close enough attention. Let’s look at some of the signs.

Physical

  1. That lingering headache that you get every single day…could be a sign. Not always, but could be.
  2. Digestive distress. When your body is always in a heightened state of fight or flight, your digestive system can suffer. You know those butterflies you get before a big event? It is not a coincidence. It is your body reacting to stress.
  3. Body pain that can’t be explained and that has baffled your doctors.
  4. Breakouts in your skin.
  5. Hair falling out.

Emotional

  1. Nervous energy. That tired but wired feeling.
  2. Sadness that is unexplained and won’t go away.
  3. Loss of interest in things that used to give you joy.
  4. Feeling foggy and unable to complete simple tasks.
  5. Avoiding things that need to be done like doing laundry, paying bills, or making a meal.

Honestly, these are just a few of the signs and symptoms, and in isolation, they may not mean burnout at all. But no one knows your body better than you do, so if your body is whispering, try to listen before it has to scream.

Now that we know how to recognize burnout, how do we combat it? Join us next week when we talk about this very topic.

 

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Are You Obligated to Disclose Your Child’s Gender Identity?

Are you obligated to disclose your child’s gender identity? Disclosure is such a tricky subject for the parents of young children who identify as transgender or gender non-conforming. As cis gender adults we often try to smooth the rough spots through the lens of our cis-normative lenses. Let me share my story.

It started as an innocent brunch. There she sat, across from me at the Bob Evans. Our daughters were in elementary school and very dear friends.  I invited her to brunch to discuss something heavy over coffee and pancakes. We spoke about how much the girls enjoy spending time together and that my daughter loved the many border collies they were raising. The dogs were beautiful and so incredibly smart. Trying to find common ground, I talked about having grown up with border collies myself. Our female, Katie, was so smart that she would sit at the edge of the electric fence and let the warning sound go off until the battery died. She did this so she could leave the yard. Wicked smart that one.

When the small talk ended, I knew it was now or never. With a deep breath and tears in my eyes, I silently scolded myself. Why is it so hard to talk about? 

Before losing my courage, I explained to her that my daughter had transitioned that year. I said that if her daughter were to hear about this at school, I was hoping their family would be an ally. She sat, stunned, staring at me as tears dripped down my face. Damn it. I was so mad at myself for crying. I am not weak, and this is not something for which I am asking forgiveness. It just felt so vulnerable laying this out in front of her. Did I do the right thing by disclosing my daughter’s precious truth? 

I will never forget her next words. “Have you considered genetic testing?” 

Stunned, I composed myself and couldn’t believe that these words were coming out of this woman’s mouth. A woman who just moments ago, spoke to me like a friend. I politely indicated that we had not. She took the opportunity to give me a quick lesson in her version of biology. She shared that chromosomal abnormalities would explain everything. Problem solved. 

I was polite. Brunch ended.

Leaving our time together, I felt a feeling that has since become all too familiar. The altogether devastating panic that sucks the breath and sounds out of your body while adrenaline pumps and the mind races. The feeling of being beheld by utter silence. That feeling you got when you were young and too scared to scream. These people have direct access to my daughter. They have proximity to her. They have her when I am not with her to mitigate what they say. Chromosomal abnormalities and all.

Unsurprisingly, the little girl was never available to play again, although I had hoped for a better outcome. All because of an innocent brunch. To this day, my daughter relishes the memories of her playdates and those beautiful border collies. She still asks if they can get together. I gently make up excuses, never revealing the devastating truth. I can’t imagine the feeling of ruin in the wake of being rejected for your identity. But how can I forever protect her from that? How long can we shelter her? 

You are not obligated to disclose your child’s gender identity. Please think carefully before sharing such an important part of their identity.

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Maintaining Friendships as an Adult

Maintaining friendships as an adult can be challenging. This is my story.

The silent hum on my wrist alerts me to her presence. Hurriedly, I finish up what I am doing and sprint out the back door. She bounds towards me, carrying the elixir of life. Coffee. Not just any coffee but the coffee that she hand roasts for her small business. Elixir. I am grateful because she blesses me with her kindness almost weekly and we steal moments together connecting over shared stories and her restorative tincture.

To clarify, I have a slight addiction. It became clear when Duncan Donuts and Starbucks began tasting burned on my palate. I had officially turned to the dark side. Like tasting different flavors in a wine, I can now taste the chocolate, berry, and citrus in her coffee. We talk as we sip, sharing stories of crazy encounters with employees and clients, the tightrope of schooling children during a pandemic, balancing our careers, and the constant feelings of coming up short as mothers. Sometimes we walk in circles in the parking lot frantic, worrying about what the future holds for our children, our country, and our community. In the end, we sip and walk and talk and breathe. 

Like me, she believes in community and the greater good. She teaches her children and runs her business by those principles. Our friendship is not featured on the pages of Facebook or Instagram; it is not played out in combined vacations. It is a Friday evening text asking if I’m okay or me asking about her mom. Above all, my true addiction is to our friendship, for she is my community. It is that simple.

Together we are stronger. To clarify, many friends cheer me on and lift me up from behind the scenes. It doesn’t need to be a public act or overt kindness. For these people, I am incredibly grateful. Foremost, for my friend with the coffee, the elixir of life, I owe you so much gratitude for walking me through kids, the pandemic, small business ownership, and for always being in my corner. To conclude, maintaining friendships as an adult can be overwhelming. Thank you, my friend, for making ours easy.